If your last three first dates felt more like a second-round job interview at a mid-tier firm than a romantic spark, you aren't alone. We've all memorised the script: the siblings, the hobbies, the "where do you see yourself in five years?" routine. We are stuck in a "hi-hello" stalemate where a staggering 80% of matches never make it to a second drink because, frankly, we're too tired to try.
As millions of urban Indians navigate the pressure of "finding the one," the digital third wheel in our bedrooms has grown a brain. We are no longer just swiping; we are outsourcing our vulnerability to the machine. But as AI founders build features to "Poke" us into deeper conversations and human matchmakers sound the alarm on the "over-engineering" of love, the battle for the Indian heart is being fought between silicon and soul.
The "Maybe" Purgatory
The modern dating app is no longer just a digital catalog; it's a filter for our collective exhaustion. Vidya Madhavan, founder of the meme-based dating app Schmooze, has identified a specific quirk in our digital behavior that explains why your match queue often looks like a graveyard. She calls it the "indecision bucket."
According to Madhavan, while women know who to say "yes" to easily about 15-20% of the time, the vast majority of the remaining pool ends up in a phase of total indecision. "They won't say 'no,' they'll just find different ways to dismiss it. They just aren't sure," she explains. It is this digital purgatory-a hesitant "maybe" that never matures into a conversation-that AI is now trying to solve. If humans are too paralysed to choose, the algorithm is stepping in to nudge the needle.
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Searching for the "Six-Foot Malayali"
To break this stalemate, apps are leaning into hyper-specificity. Schmooze's new AI People Search allows users to skip the rigid filters of the past and simply ask for what they want in plain English. Madhavan notes that these queries are becoming incredibly granular: "Literally, I have girls searching for 'six feet, North Indian with cheeks'... someone will say they should like a specific movie. It's too specific".
But what does GenZ India actually want when they are given the keys to the search engine? Recent data from Schmooze reveals a surprising shift toward the "nerdy" aesthetic. In a complete reversal of traditional gym-bro culture, there are now 28X more searches for 'people with glasses' than for 'six-pack abs'. Professionally, the white coat reigns supreme, with 'Doctor' being the most searched profession, leaving engineers to joke that AI isn't just taking their jobs, it's taking their matches. Overall, personality-related searches now outpace looks by a factor of 5X.
Yet, Oendrilla Kapoor, founder of the matchmaking service Date Crew, warns that we might be filtering ourselves into a corner. She argues that by over-engineering our dating lives, we effectively kill the curiosity needed for an unexpected connection. Kapoor observes that while people enter a search with a fixed idea of their "type," in reality, "they often end up with somebody completely different".
The Death of the "Interview" Date
The friction usually starts at the bar table. We've all sat across from a stranger in Indiranagar or Bandra, cycling through the "interview" questions because we don't know how to bridge the gap. Schmooze's "Poke" feature acts as an AI wingman, surfacing hidden commonalities-like a shared obsession with niche cricket stats-that neither person might have the guts to bring up. "If Rahul and I met in real life, he might never bring up cricket because he's thinking, 'Is she gonna think that's just for guys?' But the platform knows," Madhavan says.
The sentiment on the ground mirrors this need for a nudge. "I'm tired of the 'Where did you go to school?' talk," says Aman, a 27-year-old marketing professional from Delhi. "If an AI can tell me she actually likes the same obscure indie films I do, I'd rather start there than talk about the weather for twenty minutes".
However, Kapoor points out that the "engine breaks" the second the phone is put away. She notes that while AI can get you through the door, the actual relationship depends entirely on what you bring as an imperfect human being. "Once two people meet in real life, AI has no role," she explains. In her view, 90% of first dates fail to lead to a second because AI cannot replace the human element of building a connection.
Photo Credit: NotebookLM
The "Unlimited Choice" Illusion
Perhaps the greatest damage to our Valentine's Day prospects is the "illusion of unlimited choice". Kapoor explains that the mindset of "if not this person, then someone better" keeps us stuck in an endless loop. For many, the abundance of profiles leads to a strange kind of paralysis. "You match with five people, and suddenly you're overthinking which one to reply to first, so you just don't reply to any," admits Ananya, a 24-year-old designer in Mumbai.
We've been fed a diet of Bollywood romance that says sparks must fly instantly, but real life requires nurturing connections. Kapoor notes that "Bollywood has been a big reason why people have unrealistic expectations". Madhavan agrees that the industry's old model-keeping you on the app forever-is fundamentally flawed. She believes the goal should be to help people be happy enough to leave the platform.
So, is AI stopping you from meeting your soulmate? Not exactly. It's given us the tools to find our "six-foot Malayali" with the precision of a missile, yet we're still stuck in the "Maybe Purgatory," waiting for a machine to tell us it's safe to be vulnerable. As Kapoor points out, the "illusion of choice" is a ghost that haunts our screens, making us skip over greatness in search of a perfection that doesn't exist.
After all, no matter how sophisticated the AI, it still can't tell you if the person across from you actually laughs at your jokes or if they're just waiting for their turn to check their notifications.
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