Traditions are important. Take today for example, when a bunch of women grouped together well over a century ago, with a relentless fire in their bellies to get their fundamental rights recognised.
From 1911 to 2026, the idea of how to celebrate International Women's Day may have evolved drastically, but the primal hunger for equality remains intact.
However, it is important to note that not every tradition requires evolution. In fact, quite a handful did not even require to be commissioned in the first place, and should really just retire now.
Of these are some gendered statements, packaged as compliments solely meant for women. Whether or not women find them flattering in the slightest is highly debatable.
This so-called flattery can range from doubting a woman's capability in a traditionally ‘male-dominated' field, to unsolicited remarks about their appearances.
For instance, here is what 24 year-old Samhitha wants to do every time she is told she looks prettier with a smile on her face and, therefore, should “smile more”.
(Courtesy: Samhitha Kandadai & Khushi Maheshwari)
“Why is there an expectation for women to always be joyful or smiling? ‘You should smile more because you look pretty' is anything but a compliment to me, especially when I am tired or just in a really sour mood. Sometimes I want to throw a chair at the person's face when they tell me that.”
Sneha Gore, an educator with a doctorate degree, a mother, and a dedicated lifter in the gym has been told that she lifts “really heavy” for a woman.
“I find it perplexing. What is that supposed to mean?”, Gore, who has effectively "given up on men" asks.
In another instance, 26-year-old Aisha, whose pinterest boards are studded with make up ideas, was told by one of her love interests that he “prefers all natural women anyway” on a rare occasion that she did not wear any make up. This is what she felt —
(Courtesy: Samhitha Kandadai & Khushi Maheshwari)
“Whether or not I choose to wear makeup is nobody's business. My passion for glittery eyes or a glossy lip have nothing to do with pleasing anyone else," Aisha states.
ALSO READ: Celebrating Women — Easy. Changing Their World — Hard.
Similarly, Ruchi Jaggi, a faculty dean and doctorate degree holder feels “slighted” whenever she is hears such backhanded statements.
Jaggi, 48, talks about her pure aversion to cooking and how in the instances when she happened to do it out of necessity, the compliments from recipients of the food rarely stopped at how good the meal was. They extended into how she should do more of it.
“I hate hearing ‘it is so amazing when you cook'. I do not take it as a compliment,” she says.
Jaggi, who has been dean of the Symbiosis media faculty for over 15 years, and actively researches on Women in Media, points out that people often feel the urge to make grand compliments to women because they think that they will “get a kick out of it.”
“Why can't we just live in the moment? Why must the moment become a cog in a bigger machine of who I am expected to be?” Jaggi questions.
She underscores how the expectation or encouragement for cooking in the household may generally arise from a gendered perspective.
“I think rather than getting immune to these statements, I have just become more sensitive to them,” the dean remarks.
Finally, one such ‘compliment' that out-peeved others in the list for most of these women was *drumrolls* “you're not like other girls”
Here is what 25-year-old Ishika has to say to anyone who has ever told her this —
(Courtesy: Samhitha Kandadai & Khushi Maheshwari)
“It is just another way for a man to stroke his own ego”, Ishika says. She underlines how men try to enable whatever “manifestation of patriarchy and misogyny is going on” by telling women that they are different from other women. But we are not.
“No, I am exactly like other girls,” echo Diksha, Malvika, Tanya and Madiha, all of whom have claimed to have been tormented by this statement at least once in their lives.
Once deprived of their voice in all frameworks of society, women of today lead boardrooms, states, and entire nations. Let this be a reminder to not trivialise their battles with backhanded statements.
ALSO READ: Five Women Who Reshaped Corporate India: A Story in Infographics
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