(Bloomberg) -- Although the Covid-19ย coronavirus caused many to postpone their ceremonies earlier in the year, clarity on how the virus spreads and less rigid social distancing mandates are leading to a return of weddings this fallโalbeit with mask-wearing and smaller numbers.
That poses previously unimaginableย dilemmas for a wedding guest:ย Will proper cleaning protocols be followed? Will there be close contact among attendees?
The good news is that most nuptials are proceeding with caution. Of those with weddings in 2020, 71% are incorporating health and safety measures into their celebrations, with 63% adjusting seating arrangements for more distance, according to data from wedding website the Knot.
However, a slate of headlines detailing how ceremonies have spread the virusโfrom a hidden indoor gathering in San Francisco to a super-spreader event in Maine that led to more than 100 casesโare enough to give anyone pause. Whether you attend is โa balance of protecting yourself and figuring out the characteristics of the event and your own family dynamic,โย says Rachael Piltch-Loeb, preparedness fellow at the Harvard T.H. Chan School of Public Health.
Read on to obtain tipsย on how to take safety into account, as well as how to politely declineย if you find that it's not for you.
Being Nosyย
When considering attending a celebration, experts recommend something previously considered taboo:ย asking for lots of details.
Many couples are providing descriptions of the ceremony's logistics on theย invitations,ย or through updated communication and websites.ย If this information isn't readily available, there's no shame in inquiring further, as long as the query is done with respect and politeness.
โYou definitely are going to want to do this via phone call. You don't want to send a text,โย says Jacquelyn Youst, etiquette expert and owner of the Pennsylvania Academy of Protocol. โExplain your situation.ย It's all in the wordsโand mostly, your tone.โ
If the couple seems especially busy or overwhelmed with the planningโas wasย typical, even beforeย a global pandemicโreaching out to another member of the wedding party is anย option.
Read More:ย The New Rules of Covid-Etiquette: Be Awkward, Not Rude
In general, the more people who attend, the more dangerous it is, Piltch-Loeb explains, although there's noย exact cutoff number. She says that her first questions when attending a wedding are:ย first, whether it will be indoor or outdoor, and then the amount of guests.
The gold standard for a safe ceremony is โoutdoors, with a mask and with respect for social distancing and hand washing,โย says Jessica Justman, an associate professor of medicine in epidemiology at Columbia University's Mailman School of Public Health.
The outdoor component is especially crucial, given that studies show the coronavirus spreads more in indoor environments with low humidity.ย
Other questions to ask include: Will there be sanitizing stations;ย will masks be provided or should I bring my own;ย and if it'sย indoor, what is the venue ventilation like?
Some wedding parties are taking a โbubbleโ approach, which requires rapid testing for active, asymptomatic infectionsย to attend, as well as harm reduction measures such as having guests drive instead of fly and minimizingย contactย at restaurants, shops, other social engagements in the lead up. Vendors such asย DJs and photographers are alsoย asked to comply. The goal: a stress-free, potentially mask-less experience.
โYou just need to be an informed guest,โย says JoAnn Gregoli, owner of Elegant Occasions, a wedding planner in the New York area. โThe more information you have, the better you are.โย And the more fully you can decide if the event fits into your risk tolerance, both for yourself and others.ย
Keep Your Distance
If any of the event characteristics sound risky or go beyond your comfort levels, there's always the option to politely modify your approach,ย based on your risk tolerance.
โIf you get somewhere, and you're uncomfortable, you can always stand in the back and watch from a distance,โ Gregoli says.
Or ask the couple if there is a virtual option. Many couples are including a broadcast via Zoom, or another streaming platform, alongside an in-person ceremony, designed for those who are high-risk or otherwise uncomfortable.
Some weddings also now include different-colored wristbands for guests, to easily show social distancing comfort levels, says Marlieย Kelleher, owner of Marlie Renee Designs, a wedding stationery service.
For instance, red could mean no touching and staying six feet away from others, while yellow might meanย keep masks on at all times, and greenย completely open to hugs and handshakes.
One of the riskierย parts of the ceremony is often the reception, Piltch-Loeb notes, when alcohol flowsย and boundaries blur, and masks comeย off during dancing.
If that is worrisome, consider dancing or mingling in a separate area, sitting separately with family members or in a quarantine pod, or even making an early exit, before craziness ensues.
Politely Decline
There's no shame in telling a couple you cannot attend the ceremony. As Youst puts it:ย โHealth comes before etiquette.โ
Most couples moving forward with nuptials in 2020 realize that not everyone will be able to attend.
โThe guests who are invited to a wedding, it means you have a very special relationship with the couple,โย says Esther Lee, senior editor at the Knot. โThe couple cares about you."
They should respect your decision to refrain from a choice that could endanger your health, she notes. Just be sure to thank them for the invite and convey wishes of celebrating the milestone sometime in the future,ย when the risk of infection is lower.
Even if you declineย to attend, Youst recommends sending a gift; the amount of money spent can vary in proportion to your finances and relationship with the couple.ย
โYourย gift represents your good wishes toward the newlyweds,โ she says. โYou still want to be part of the celebration. You still want to send your well wishes. You want to cheer them on.โ
Many couples are now offering virtual gift options, too, including honeymoon funds, to minimize the need for physical objects to changeย hands.ย
For ceremonies that have been moved to a later date, Youst says toย send a gift as soon as possible, especially since many retailers faceย shipping delays. It's acceptable to hold off if the nuptials are being postponed indefinitely. Much can change between now and then.ย
Although not required,ย Kelleher suggest sending a small gift, such as a bottle of wine orย flowers, on a couple's original wedding date, if it's been postponed.ย
โEven something small, just as a reminder to them that you are there and thinking of them,โ she says. โIt'sย a very small gesture that will go a long way. People remember things like that.โ
ยฉ2020 Bloomberg L.P.
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