In my bestselling book, Active Parenting, I share how parents can play a decisive role in helping children grow into successful adults. The impact is highest when this effort begins early in childhood. The earlier, the better.
One of the most comprehensive studies on child development is the British Birth Cohorts Study, which followed the lives of all children born in a single week in Britain in 1958. Similar cohorts were later tracked for children born in 1970, the early 1990s, and 1999. Spanning decades, this research offers rare insights into what truly drives success in life.
The findings are unsurprising-yet sobering. The single biggest predictor of success in school, university, work, and life was the wealth and income of the family into which a child was born. Children from more affluent families consistently performed better across outcomes.
But the study also revealed something powerful: one factor could significantly break this trend-parental involvement. Children whose parents spent quality time with their children and who were actively engaged in shaping values and behaviours often outperformed peers from wealthier backgrounds. In other words, intentional parenting can level the playing field.
That is the essence of active parenting: identifying the attributes required for success in life and consciously, systematically instilling and nurturing them.
Today, with both parents often in high-pressure jobs, the time spent with children is far less than it was even a generation ago. This makes focused, intentional parenting not less important-but more.
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Rather than concentrating only on academic performance, and expecting the school to deliver that, parents must focus on building fundamentals - especially purpose and self-discipline. Children who possess these two qualities do not need constant monitoring. They operate on autopilot: dreaming big, staying motivated, and taking ownership of their goals and plans.
In other words, parents who take the trouble to instil and nurture these qualities can have stress-free parenting - without having to micromanage their children or handle the interpersonal stress that it creates.
So how can parents build these attributes?
First, tell stories. Share stories of successful people - their struggles, failures, resilience, and eventual success. Research by neuroscientist Paul J. Zak - the man who discovered the behavioural impact of the neurotransmitter oxytocin - shows that storytelling triggers oxytocin, which fosters empathy and in turns transports the listener to identify with the journey of the protagonist.
Storis also produce another neurotransmitter, dopamine that generates happiness at the success of the protagonist. Cognitive psychologist Jerome Bruner found that information embedded in stories is 22 times more likely to be remembered. When parents tell stories, they also deepen emotional bonds and build respect.
Parents can also share their personal struggles, failures, course corrections and wins. This helps build trust.
Second, role-model self-discipline. Children imitate what they observe far more than what they are told. Parents who practise discipline through routines, healthy habits, and consistency dramatically increase the likelihood that their children will do the same.
Remember, your children are observing you every moment. If what you preach isn't consistent with what you do, they will reject your suggestions or orders.
Children, whose parents spend time reading books instead of mindlessly scrolling social media; whose parents hold conversations instead of being glued to their phones over dinner; whose parents avoid soft drinks and junk food; whose parents work out regularly; are likely to be far more self-disciplined when they grow up.
Behind every successful person is a parent, who took the proactive action of helping their child dream big and guided them to build the habits that would help them achieve those dreams.
Disclaimer: The views expressed in this article are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the opinion of NDTV Profit or its affiliates. Readers are advised to conduct their own research or consult a qualified professional before making any investment or business decisions. NDTV Profit does not guarantee the accuracy, completeness, or reliability of the information presented in this article.
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